Help!

May. 31st, 2010 12:54 am
red_reaper: (Inner demons)
[personal profile] red_reaper
So I promised I'd try to update once a week or so. I may be a little off, but I say this counts. First of all, I competed in a spelling bee in my dorm last Friday...there were only two of us there, and I placed second. But I only was behind by twelve words and I still got a crown. Yes, it's childish, but have you ever noticed how wearing a crown can make you feel so good? I think that part of why children want to be princes and princesses; it just feels good. I also started packing up my stuff for move-out. I'm taking half home on Friday, but everything will be packed up them. It's kind of sad, but at the same time, it's rather nice to be going home. Don't know where I'm going to put my stuff when I get it home since Mom still hasn't cleaned out my room, but at least I can still get to my bed. I have to climb over the edge, but I can still sleep in it. The week's been pretty chill though, not a lot going on and everything for the quarter is pretty much finished.

Now, the real reason I'm awake at 1 in the morning is because I feel conflicted about my boyfriend, Will. Yes, I know the first time you heard about him was last week, but we've been dating for six weeks now. My problem is, I like him a lot and I think he's a wonderful guy. But I think we work better as friends. I like having someone I can hold hands with and hug if I need to. But I don't feel that spark you're supposed to feel when you're with that someone you love. He's a great friend, he can make me smile, but I don't think we'd ever be more than friends. I can't see myself marrying him or ever sleeping with him or having kids together. I think we're good friends and I don't want to lose that, but I don't think we're meant to be more than that.
But then I wonder if maybe I've been reading too many romance novels and have unrealistic expectations and my mind gets confused. I don't want to hurt Will but I wonder if letting this continue and breaking it off later will hurt him more. Ugh, what I really want is to talk with my sister. She may be the younger sister, but she has a lot more experience in this area and I could use her help.

Anyway, I haven't gotten around to the book reviews yet, but I hope to have them soon.
Take Care
Reaper

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Cristine Russell

December 2010

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